Monday, January 2, 2012

Note To Self

Welcome to Day 2, I hope all is good and you got through the first day happy and well!!

Today is all about YOU! I want you to write you a note to self. In this note I want you to be free to write all your disappointments and reasons you feel like you have failed in the past.
This will be done in your journal.

With this said I want to share something. I was scared at first to share with you all but I figure in this journey of mine I needed to be free of the burden to get to where I want to be. Honesty is best when you are honest with yourself.
 I was watching a show the other night and I had a AHA moment. It was very interesting I do believe all things happens for a reason. I couldn't figure out why am I watching this show? It was about starving to death, people with anorexia and bulimia. I was in awe because guess what I'm no better. I have come to the conclusion I have a eating disorder and I was blind to it. I always claimed I had a weight problem and for the past 20 years have been filled with , throwing up, diet pills, water pills, detox pills, food restriction, food binges, crazy off the wall diets, and now my body is paying the price. I caught myself planning my restriction day for Jan 1, I figured good excuse I can get away with not eating all day, then I watched the show, like I said everything happens for a reason. I have hypoglycemia and I ended up in the 60's I feel back on my couch and asked my wife to make me something I felt like I was going to faint. I sat there and thought about that show. It was like a light bulb went off and I said I'm restricting again, and the next time it might cost me my life. I truly believe the show was sent to me that day to wake me up. As I went shopping that day I kept going along with the crazy thoughts I have, don't get that its to fattening, get this I can binge later, OMG I was actually realizing I'm a person with a eating disorder.
This is the first time I have made it open, I just told my wife last night about my hidden little secret. I was ashamed but she just said hun anything I can do to help, she said she thought I had a problem after she found all my pills for detox, weight loss, etc. She said she was scared to make me upset so she didn't say anything.
In order for me to figure out why I do these things I need to reflect and really be honest with everyone in my life and in turn I hope to help others. I will ask for help when I need it and I will keep myself accountable.

Challenge for today:
(on top of you fitness plan you made yourself yesterday)
Every time you eat "so called junk" do 10 squats

Now go out there and have a blessed day!

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