Some people never change and with that said I need to move on.
I have been living for others so long I have forgotten about my own needs and wants in life. I keep letting others dictate to me on how and what and where to do things. I guess you could call me weak in that case. If a stranger meets me they think, wow what a strong person, but in reality I'm good at putting on my clown face, smiling through the tears.
I need o get over this overwhelming feeling of trying to please each and every person in my life. It is so draining the soul out of me.
I got news last night about my mother and it floored me, I was so mad I just got up and told her I never wanted to talk to her, went to my room and slammed the door and layed on my bed whaling like I was 12 again.
She just don't understand that just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I still don't need a mother around!
She rather go off into her own world half way across the country just to be with her friends partying, doesn't she realize she is in her 60's and its time to put us first once in her life.
I could see if she was living life up because she didn't get to when we was young, but no we have never had a mother sober or there for me and my sis and bro. Never! Man I really hate being so mad, I hate she has made me a wreck again for the thousandth time! Never again I'm not letting my guards down.
Mark my words, you will cry out again and this time I wont hear you!
So from this day forth I give my self permission to know I'm worth it, I'm worth being loved the way I want to be loved, I'm worth waking up happy, I'm worth dressing pretty just because, I'm worth treating myself with love and respect, and no one but no one will change the good person I am!
Onto new days and new life!