Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Weigh-in day!

I've come to a conclusion, once again, I just cant do diets!
I hate them, I feel restricted and not good, then I end up gaining! so I'm making up my own food plan.
I have been reading a book on foods that help fibro, very interesting I might say.
I believe as it does in order to be a better all around person you must treat food as fuel. Eat whole-foods, unprocessed foods!
I have a bad habit of eating due to my feelings and not listening to my  knowledge of foods I know will help me, and what they do to my body. I'm a emotional eater, I eat when I'm happy, sad, mad, glad!
 I need to learn how to conquer this demons! I have a will like no other to feel better but some days I just say wtf and forget my goals and eat everything in site. I cant do this anymore I feel out of control and I'm in  funk daily.
So here I go again new weigh-in was bad, up again, I'm so over this battle, wasted days and weeks.
I'm in this to win this battle against the bulge. I AM WORTH IT!!
 so onto a new day and new foods to try
Peace Love Joy!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Another food-filled day!

Food log for Thurs.

I started my day with 1 egg 1/2 tomato and cottage cheese. I wasn't really into it, I felt kind of sick, so I gave it to my dog.
I went on with my day got hungry about 11 made left over pasta w/ grilled chicken, was good satisfied my hunger.
Around 2 I started getting hungry so I made myself a big salad with grilled chicken strips. It was amazing and hit the spot.
During the next few hours I started to get board and decided I wanted something sweet, I should have figured it would send me into a tail spin! I ate a banana sundae, when I was done I wanted my usual salty snack, I had chips with cottage cheese. I had sent bj to go get chips for me while she was away I ate 3 girl scout cookies, yikes I'm in full-blown munchies attack!!!

Then came dinner time and we cooked out. We had steak with side of potato and salad. I ended up eating seconds on that meal even though I felt like I was going to burst. But no I had to have a ice cream cone! Now I'm so full I hate myself. I just sat there and wondered why? Why do I do this to myself? I felt so sick and ended up having bad night sleep, had heart burn all night. I woke up feeling sluggish and bad my scale said what I did today.
So onto another day see what it holds?
Have a blessed night and Peace Love Joy!!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Food to eat or not to eat to much!

Food Log for Wed. 5/23/12

I will be logging my food consumption from previous day. 
Yesterday was a crazy day, full of confusion and ended up not so good. Here is how it played out:
breakfast was at OK time, I hear its great to eat in the first hour you wake but man its hard. I wake to get my brother ready medications done, then its time for me, so I ate

  • 1 egg, slice of dry toast, 1/2 tomato, 1/4 c. cottage cheese
I felt OK was a little on the down side because of head cold I have going on, I spent most of the morning reading this new book I have on what to eat when you have Fibromyalgia. It put me in a tail spin of confusion, I just got done with this other book that told me so many different things. I hate this!! Makes me so confused, then I had a aha moment and said I have to make my own plan and put down how foods make me feel when eaten. I'll make my own diet up as I go. 
So after all that craziness, I was getting hungry, and realized it was going on 4pm! I missed my lunch and snack from earlier and now I'm starved, not good! So I ate:

  •  handful of almonds (as I was looking for food to stuff in my mouth)
  • ice cream with chocolate fudge and almonds on it ( I was given so I ate because I was starved)
  • pasta with mixed peppers, grilled chicken breast ( was suppose to be for lunch)
  • chips(because of course I need salty after something sweet)
  • 3 glasses of pop( to wash down all that garbage)
  • 5 girl scout cookies(to top off my sugar craze I was on)
So the night closes and I'm feeling like crap from all the poor food choices, funny how your mouth gets away from you before you know it you eat the whole dam kitchen up!  
So today I'm going to try to eat every few hours and log my food intake again tomorrow.

It's a long journey but I know I will get there! I know I can do this I just have to, I want to be there for my family, not just on the sidelines, but actively playing a roll in their lives!
Onto a better day(I pray) and 
Peace Love Joy!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Log it and know it!

So another week has ended, and weigh-in is tomorrow. How did I do? I'm not sure this past week I had a lot of ups and downs with not only my eating but my pain from Fibromyalgia.
It has been hard to get my mind on me. It sounds funny but I help everyone in my life but me. I just cant seem to get on board with my life = helping others, without my life there will be no helping others. So I have to put me first right?
Some times as a woman we are expected to be all and everything to our families, I think they think we are super hero's with the will to conquer all! Not this lady, I'm getting tired of the cape and tights!
I got so over whelmed this past week I actually considered going nuts, yes you read it right, I was on my way over the top and falling fast down the slippery slope of doom. I just felt tired and I was in pain and this eating crap sucks! Seems like the more healthy I eat the more weight I gain? Just my luck I tell yeah!
So tomorrow is a new day and always a new start. I will pick myself up again and move on, I know that this to shall pass and the trials in my life are many but I can overcome all if I remember in the end we all was here trying to live.
I will take this next week serious I will write daily on my food tolerances and times ate. I will make daily challenges for myself.
I have to figure out this body of mine. I've been reading books about my condition, tons of info out there, but like many diet books I take them with a grain of sand. I use to get all gun-ho about a new book I read and its miracle that was inside, only to find out it reeked havoc on my body and topped it off if I restrict calories like they say, my body gains rapidly.
Things I have come to a conclusion:

  • diets don't work
  • "Real" food works
  •  counting calories are waist of time
  • listen to my body it knows what it needs
  • water is disparately needed in order to lose weight
  • balance is key
  • processed is the devil
I have come to a point in life, well I have to say again, where I need to make myself accountable for making my bodies ailments go away. I can bitch all I want but in the end its me who is in charge not the food, not the stress of life, me that's who I'm in charge! Now to make my head believe that!
My stress levels are so bad right now, my children I worry about daily, I know they are grown but dang a mother never stops worrying! He is in a bad place mentally and has no outlet to get it off his chest. He has struggled for years and its so hard as a mom not to be able to take that pain away. I just pray he never goes through with it, I don't know what I would do, but I digress that's another story all together. Back to me, I will succeed I have to believe!
Live Laugh Love I always say Peace Love Joy!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

I'm my own worse enemy!

I made it through the day yesterday, day 2 on my new eating plan. I would say all in all it was so hard to do. I have such a hard time with sweets, ugh, I just wanted chocolate sooo bad! I know it was my crazy food-enticed mind playing tricks on me. I'm my worse enemy when it comes to food.
I love food, adore food, want sweet yummy food. I took a step back several times yesterday and asked myself, Is it worth it? Is it worth the added weight? The added mental stress from failing again come weigh-in time? Is it worth feeling like a failure? It all led up to one answer NO!
I'm worth trying my hardest for, I'm worth feeling good about my appearance, I'm worth feeling like I can do anything I put my mind to.
Positive affirmation:

I woke up today feeling a whole lot better, cravings are getting better, my shortness with people, a little better. I cant believe I feel so bad when deleting bad things out of my eating plan. Wow, is my word for that, dang I can be a mega bitch when I don't eat chocolate and have my Dew!
I want to live a compassionate life full of adventure and fun, I cant do that if I'm stuck in bed overweight and in pain from my Fibromyalgia!
I will get to this next level of this diet protocol I'm on, it takes 60 straight days to see its benefits on my body(concerning fibro), so 58 days left to go!
 I want so bad to wake up one day and feel no pain what so ever, oh what a blessed day that will be. I'm putting all my faith into this diet protocol. It has to work!
So onto another day, I'm going to try and get out for a walk today. Its been a while, Ive been so sore and tired I have no energy. I hope it helps get me back on track, like I said yesterday, I WILL run again!
Peace Love Joy

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Weigh-in day!

Another week down the toilet!
Just seems like I cant get my head out my butt and get in gear. I know what I need to do to lose but I still keep reaching for junk.
So yesterday after 4 days of food binging I started eating good. Well today was weigh-in even though I didn't gain I didn't lose either. I know that if I gave this weight loss effort a chance I would succeed!
So why is it I always sabotage myself? I just cant understand? I feel like just giving up but if I do I know my body will give up and I wont be there for the ones I love.
They mean the world to me I need to do this.
So my plan for this week is to not cheat at all. I will follow my plan and stick to it. I will exercise at least if its only a few minutes at a time(as my fibro-body allows).
My challenge for today:
drink drink and drink some more -------------}

I'm so bad when it comes to drinking my water, it is hard for me because I truly forget to drink. I want to do this, I want to succeed at losing the rest of my weight. I want to be free of this body that keeps me at a stand still in life. No more! Not I! I WILL DO THIS!
Peace Love Joy!

Monday, May 14, 2012

Fibro Haze!

What a trap in a body I am in. Everyday I struggle with this silent disease, sometimes keeping it to my self so as I don't seem like a hypcondriac to others. Some days the pain is so intense I scream and cry, but only when I'm alone. I hate to put my burden on others, you see I have always been the strong one, the one who people gets strength from,not to hear all my boo hos.
I want so bad to run again, I cant tell you how much I miss it. I want to run free and feel like I can do anything. You know I will do it again I just have to get my body on board.
The past few week's I have been feeling myself slip back in to the depths of fibro, those who have it know all to well what I mean. Its like a title wave has come and washed my ability away to function like a "normal" person.
I hate this feeling, makes me so angry, about as angry at I get at my weight issue.
This robber of my days is getting stronger and I'm feeling weaker as the days go on. I once was told I wouldn't walk by the time I was 40, well this year I turned 40 and though it is hard some days, I do walk still. My goal from when I got told was to run for my 40th b-day, this has come and gone in Feb. So I failed that, my body betrayed me again. People say well at least you are still walking, they have no clue, I'm the type that when someone says you cant I prove  can.
So with this said I'm making a pact with myself, I know I wont make my dream of running a Marathon for my 40th I will run a race by the end of running season, I will!
I will "WILL" my body to give me this one gift I can treasure when all my functions leave me. I want to run again before I can never again. Please Lord hear my prayers, please!
So onto training for my dream, Peace Love Joy!r

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Why Why Why?? I dont know why I can never do it?

I have come to the conclusion, I have a hard time finishing what I start!
They say men are bad? Well they haven't met me!
I keep wondering why I'm like this? Not just with things I start on the house, but with food issues also.
I start going strong one week, then fail the next. I start one morning, and by night my head is stuck in the fridge!
I have to start being accountable for my actions, I feel like a naughty kid sometimes hiding my binges. I just hate it.
I started this hypoglycemic diet this past week and at first I was determined, I read about all the benefits I would receive, but again I failed.
The diet said stay on with no cheats for 2 months straight, and you will feel a ton better, (I have fibro and its one of the diets recommended for me), nope not! I failed again, I always do with food. I have no self control, dam mind, dam food!
So here we are, another party, and I know more temptations are around the corner. I know I will fail, I always do, I just have to figure this out it's driving me mad in the head he he!
So challenge for today:
Every time I eat a bad item I have to do one rep of exercise of choice

Have  blessed weekend and Happy Mothers Day!

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Ohh another weigh-in down the toilet...

Another one bites the dust, weigh-in day that is. I can not count how many times I have stepped on that scale and felt sheer pressure and disappointment, some days I would love to throw that dam thin right out the window(but I know I would just go outside and bring it back in) but the knowing my weight helps me stay focused and from gaining tons of weight.
You see I'm the type of person who dilly dawdles around and realizes dang weigh -in is 2 days away and its crunch time watch what I eat etc, why the rest of the 5 days I'm acting as though I'm on vacation not caring what goes in my mouth?
I keep searching for a cure a fix to all my problems and weight issues, I'm on the constant search for diet aids, magazines, web articles, anything that helps me in this journey to weight loss and what I perceive a beautiful life.
I keep doing this and wonder sometimes why? Why bother, I have the tools, mor than so many, but I just don't implement them. I have the knowledge, I think enough to write my own book, to complete any diet out there. So why do I keep falling short of my goals?
I feel like I self sabotage, if I feel like my weight loss is effecting someone in a negative manner I go ahead (mentally) and give up and eat what ever. If I see my weight loss is changing my outside and I get to much attention, I self sabotage and revert to my same old habits.
The trick, I fear, is to overcome the mental part of weight loss and the rest will follow. Now how do I do that you say? Not sure if I knew the answer I would be shopping right now for a size 5 jeans with a white flowing top and heals to boot :)
So onto reflecting daily and making better choices.
Today's challenge:

PEACE Love Joy

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Slip on a banana peel you say...

You slipped again and you are feeling down? Like you just couldn't go a few days without having a meltdown? Man join the crowd, I was talking with my little sis and we both had some slips. It was nice to be able to talk to her and know I am not the only one in this rocking boat.
Some days I just feel like I'm going out of my mind thinking of food. What to eat, what not to eat, what is healthy, what is a portion, is this food really good for me? So many choices, so many set ups for failure.
I cant tell you how many magazines I've read, how many sites on the web I've scanned. It all boils down to one thing, healthy whole food with treats in moderation and exercise = a healthy life,mind,body,soul. Nothing more, nothing less.
The trick is the mind battle that rages inside all of us, this nagging feeling of want and need of yummy food to help relieve the pains of the day. Oh how I would love a turn off switch for that!
So on with it, come on Shawn get on with getting healthy, you have the tools use them...
OK enough self talk, I will succeed I know I will.
Peace Love Joy

Saturday, May 5, 2012


Everyday you have the decision to make the best out of your day.
I, (most days), start off on the right foot, but by night I'm all over the place. I try to stay on the right track with my eating but at night man it hits me. I feel like eating the whole fridge tell yeah!
When I thought I'd never get out of this cycle of night time binges here comes my saving grace. A book about people living with Fibro. I was like, oh no another book, I know I will read and learn not a dang thing. Well I read the book, well I should say Im reading the book, and I've already implemented the diet starting on May 3rd. The first phase of the diet is strict but for some odd reason I'm doing good? I don't have the cravings to binge at night, mind you the first day on this my body was not happy with the withdraws, but I'm doing it. I cant believe in just a few short days I'm feeling really good about this. Like other fad diets this isnt one of them, this is a way of eating for life for me, the book promices that in 2 months I will feel less pain, so I marked that date as July 3rd 2012, I should feel like a new woman.
For those who dont know me I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and a host of issues steaming from that diagnosis, 13 years ago. In those 13 years Ive had my moments of being disabled both mentally and physically. Ive seen a million and one Dr's all perscribing different meds, till one day I took charge and said no more! I took back my life and got off 12 different meds and now Im only on vitamins and food.
I will not give up this fight! I'm in charge here!
 Though I feel like I'm getting better at excepting what I have to live with until I pass and go onto a new place, I still have a battle raging inside me. The battle with obesity. I will not let it win, and for over 20 years we have been at war. I will be in charge of my destinty and I dont want it filled with healthcare issues that steam from my eating behaviors.
So onto a new chapter in my life, Im excited to see how I feel come July, Im excited to feel less pain and do things Ive been wanting to do for years.
My best to my friends in cyber world and may today bring you many blessings!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Good of day as any to start again!

So here I go again and I hope I will have support this time.
I do think it is so helpful to have that in life, someone to confide in and share with even if it is people in cyber world. I have to grab all the help I need at this time. Its been a long and crazy process trying to lose these unwanted lbs. I'm determined to do so!
When I was watching the B.L. they had a show with the First Lady on it. She wanted us to join this group online and track exercise days and the winner won a gym for there community(not us the player we joined under) and the one I joined was Kim's, she is just awesome! I think its weird though because in the beginning I just didn't care for her but as the shows passed I grew more and more fond of her. Why you ask? Because she reminded me that all of us has demons we try and hide from try to pretend are not there. She put her mind to it and said you know what I don't care if I make friends I'm doing this for me and mine. I like that kind of spunk!
So these past few days have been good, I started reading this new book that helps people with Fibro, its good so far. I started the diet it listed and said my pains should be next to nothing within 2 months, we will see? I'm not fond of the food choices but anything to be out of the pain I'm in. I also went to lunch with my little sis yesterday, it was the end of our 10 week challenge, she won. I wasn't to worried I knew I was going to gain and not lose, I just didn't feel like I had the WANT in me. We had a great talk and decided to do another but 8 week challenge this time. I'm excited because I now have the WANT to do this. I read this book and it was like God himself put this in my hands to know I'm not in this battle alone. So onto new days I will be posting daily on here please feel free to write and comment and let me know some topics you want to discuss, and also if you want to join the weekly challenge I would love that :)
peace out to all my cyber friends til next time...